Title: Ting Tang Tony: And the Tale of The Little Erection That Could
Authors: Kat DeSalle & Kristin Leigh Jones
Release Date: Sept 18, 2014
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G-Strings, fake bodies, what lubricant to use, and which angle looks best on camera, these are all things Tony knows. What he doesn’t know is how to pursue a real relationship, one outside the industry that’s making him retire and leaving him behind. Tony DiMarco, aka Ting Tang Tony, made a big name for himself— regardless of being small— in an industry where size truly does matter. He’s had a long career hiding behind a camera lens where his shortcomings didn’t affect him at all. At 38 he’s forced to find a real life where hopefully size doesn’t matter.
The last place he thought his life would change was in Florida. Tripping over the gorgeous and upstanding, Emily Grant snapped him out of the pity-pot he was just about to take a bath in. However, having never dated outside the industry has him second-guessing everything. How would someone possibly want his “Little Engine that could”. Can Tony open up about his playboy-style career, and more importantly, can he overcome the insecurities that he’s shoved aside until now?
Tony’s got his work cut out for him, he needs to penetrate the walls Emily’s built to protect herself and her own insecurities. Will she be able to handle Tony’s crazy double life he’s trying to hide from her, the one he lives back home in LA? There’s a small chance it might work, that it might fit—something Tony certainly isn’t used to. This may be his one opportunity to find that missing puzzle piece he’s only been able to fantasize about.
The whirlwind journey these two set out on will keep you rooting for the underdogs, and teach you that it’s not always the size of the package that’s important—it’s what’s inside that matters most.
She turned her head away and looked down swirling the wine glass in her hand again. “I’m not like other women, Tony. I’m broken …” Her voice was small, almost whispering the last words. Her finger stroked the rim of glass as if searching out comfort.
“Aren’t we all, Emmy?”
She looked up almost surprised and shook her head trying to convince me, “No you don’t understand…”
I interrupted and strode around the counter to her side. “Hush,” I put my finger up to her sweet lips wanting to touch her, they were softer than I expected. “You’re perfectly imperfect, just like me and everyone else in this world. But, sometimes it just takes one person to have that missing piece, and you find that you actually fit together. In every way.”
Rather Be – Clean Bandit
Middledistancerunner – Chicane feat. Adam Young
Looking for Love (Trouser Enthusiast Joy of Sex Remix) – Karen Ramirez
Crazy – Kat Dahlia
I’m a Mess – Ed Sheeran
Nothing’s Gonna Stop Us Now – Starship
***Disclaimer: this mock interview is a work of complete fiction. It in no way represents playboy or any of its affiliates and has been created for promotional entertainment.***
June 2014 issue of Playboy magazine featuring an exclusive interview with Ting Tang Tony, Tony DiMarco
Playboy: Well, Tony, we are happy to have you here and meet the man behind infamous dick. Although, I must admit you are a whole lot of man without much to hide behind … you stand out with your good looks, and height. What are you, about 6’4”?
Tony: laughs. I’m 6’5” actually. And, I’m happy to be here today, Ashley. Even with dick jokes abound.
Playboy: I see you brought—a friend? Does this mean we can let our readers and your fans know that you are officially off the market?
Tony: Laughs again and throws his arm around a dapper, grey-haired gentleman to his left. This handsome, son-of-a-bitch? Nah, he is my best friend though. You all know him as Rod Stick. He couldn’t pass up a trip behind the closed doors here at Playboy. He pats Rod’s back. Yup, he and I are just a bunch of lonely, single old men. He smirks over at his friend.
Rod: Speak for yourself. He snorts. I may be single but I am—sure as hell—never lonely.
Playboy: I laugh at both of them and their playful demeanor. Moving on. Tony, you have a big milestone for your adult film career coming soon, the 20th anniversary of your introductory film, Ting Tang Tony: And the Tale of the Little Erection That Could. Quite an accomplishment for a man of your … traits.
Tony: Yes, quite, I assume … considering all things. But that also means that I just know how to get the job done in many creative ways. He winks, and wags his brows.
Playboy: Blushing, I conceal a knowing giggle. Care to share how you got into the business?
Tony: Oh, you know, it just happens. Things led to one thing, and then another—I was young, the money was good. Not much to tell. He runs a hand across his buzzed head.
Rod: Looks at Tony, then me, and clears his throat. Oh yeah, the money is really good. Especially when you get your own title films or series.
Playboy: Right. Tony, you’ve starred in many but also seem to cameo quite a bit. You are brought in for shock and awe?
Tony: In the beginning and yes, some still, but I’m known for other things now as well. I have my talents.
Rod: Makes rude gestures with his hands in a “V” over his mouth.
Tony: Slaps Rod in the mouth. Surely you’ve done your research and watched some of my films. I don’t ever have an unsatisfied female co-star. I take pride in my craft—in my art. Something other people I know don’t put as much stock in. He jabs Rod in the ribs.
Playboy: Well, I think everyone knows about the famous Tony tongue. I believe Barbara did an interview a while back with us, and she spoke—no—raved about it. I suppose when you have a legend like that bragging about it, it must be something special. I fan myself. I think it’s getting hot in here.
Tony: Laughs and shifts in his seat, looking smug.
Playboy: So back to your work … Pride. Huh? Not something that usually goes hand in hand when you think about your profession. Any plans for the future—for after your glow in the ‘red lights’ fade?
Tony: I have plenty. Actually Rod and I are getting ready to leave for Florida for a shoot. It’s a 4th of July themed film titled: Out With a Bang. It should be great. Barbara Booberella, Rod, myself, Ric Gasher and Levi Johnson are featured. Plus, I have a few private business ventures in the works. I don’t foresee myself ever not being in this business. It’s become my life, and my family. All my friends are in this world and once you are here there’s not much room for you on the outside. The adult industry is like that bad tattoo you got in Mexico. It never goes away and you’re at least glad you got it someplace where people will only see it if you’re naked—not something to share with your grandkids. I’m not ashamed about what I’ve done, or who I’ve done. I live with no regrets and take care of me and mine.
Playboy: ‘Me and mine.’ Does that mean, there’s a ‘someone’ in your life?
Tony: No, not like … that. As I said, I’m single.
Playboy: Hmm … Interesting. Well, that sounds like a good plan. Speaking of tattoos … And Mexico … Do you?
Tony: Of course, who doesn’t love a good margarita in the sand?
Playboy: So where is it?
Tony: Mexico? Hmm, well, you could get there driving south for a little over 2 hours or so depending on traffic. He smiles.
Playboy: Right, and the tattoo?
Tony: Tattoo? You were talking about Mexico. The corner of his mouth turns up.
Playboy: Yes, and tattoos.
Playboy: Ting Tang Tony …
Playboy: That’s an interesting one.
Tony: Well, you know. He shrugs
Playboy: Ok, let’s wrap up with one final question: if you had to buy lingerie for a partner what would you buy?
Rod: Well, I can tell you it wouldn’t be latex inspired. Makes a crack the whip sound.
Playboy: Oh, no?
Tony: I do occasionally enjoy the whip and tickle. But, I’d have to say the thought of a woman in one of my tee shirts, completely comfortable with herself and me, is really hot. Besides, I’d just be taking it off anyway, and what’s underneath is sexier than any lingerie. Grins.
Playboy: Oh, and you’re a sweetheart to boot.
Tony: I’m just being honest.
Playboy: And I just made the big guy blush. You will make one special lady very happy someday, Tony. I know that for sure. That’s it, my work is done. We can’t wait to see Out With a Bang, the special 20th Anniversary Edition of Ting Tang Tony: And the Tale of the Little Erection That Could, and see what else is in store for you, Tony. Thank you for taking the time with us today.
Tony: Thank you for having me, and letting this guy tag along. He slaps Rod’s arm.
Rod: Hey, someone had to liven the party up. Thank you, Ashley, and Playboy. Now, where do they hide the Bunnies in the corsets? The guys laugh and continue their banter as they get up to leave.
“You’re my missing puzzle piece. Get out of your head, Tony, and into me.”
“You’re perfectly imperfect, just like me and everyone else in this world. But, sometimes it just takes one person to have that missing piece, and you find that you actually fit together. In every way.”
“Take me out of my familiar cicle of friends and I was back in high school and “almost there” again: afraid to date anyone for fear of the chick running the other way.”
“Believe me Emmy, I’ve been around the block—hell I’ve circled around, came back, and then went backwards, but no one has stopped me in my tracks like you have. You fit the real me, not Ting Tang Tony. You have made me feel worthy; you took away my insecurities, but also made new ones at the same time. I want to be the man you deserve.”
“Maybe because deep down I knew I’d never find a woman outside the adult industry who would be okay with my profession and my small dick.”
Born and raised in California, she graduated with a degree in Fine Art, which introduced her to a number of creative outlets. She dabbled in various jobs ranging from teaching art, to working in the finance industry. Ultimately, she found her passion in writing. Now, she lives in the San Francisco Bay Area with her husband and children, where she follows her dream of writing romance novels.
Kristin Leigh Jones
Kristin is the wearer of many hats–not literally–although she does look good in one. From being a full-time mom, wife, chef, maid, dog walker, litter box scooper to owning a photography business and working as a freelance editor … She now adds writer to her long resume. Between juggling all these tasks she squeezes in as much time as possible for snuggling her babies, reading, and watching football on Sundays in the fall. Da Bears! Hailing from the Midwest her whole life, she fully appreciates the change of seasons but admits to really only enjoying it less than 5 months of the year.
Kristin is very thankful to have found another half of her brain in her dear friend Kat. Who, might be thousands of miles away, is never farther than a text or a phone call. Together they make up the dynamic duo writing and producing the hilariously romantic and sexy “Has-Been Series”.
Kristin and Kat would like to thank everyone for purchasing their books and taking the time to read them. They hope you enjoy them and the characters as much as they do. *tips wine glasses in salute* Cheers!